Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks