Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple