So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
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I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...