Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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