he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
