Quick, to the slutcave!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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