So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser