Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..