Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.