I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?