I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You are a genius and a whore.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
