I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now