Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose