Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Alberta, CA (780)

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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.

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  (780): So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM. http://tfl.nu/v5ij
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.

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  (780): I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen. http://tfl.nu/raiw
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?

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  (780): I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots? http://tfl.nu/1jdo
  Replies (8) Good night (1741) Bad night (1134)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.

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  (780): The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day. http://tfl.nu/xftd
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.

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  (780): there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute. http://tfl.nu/rxgr
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"

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  (780): They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge" http://tfl.nu/puda
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level

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  (780): they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level http://tfl.nu/15nb
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.

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  (780): A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have. http://tfl.nu/oqu8
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face

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  (780): I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face http://tfl.nu/u6bu
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We left the knife in your bed.

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  (780): We left the knife in your bed. http://tfl.nu/mwcc
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"

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  (780): she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!" http://tfl.nu/mre5
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.

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  (780): I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am. http://tfl.nu/rp62
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.

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  (780): Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT. http://tfl.nu/4w87
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week

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  (780): girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week http://tfl.nu/5wm5
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".

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  (780): So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned". http://tfl.nu/rmju
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