I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.