No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Dating After Heartbreak
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...