you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"