i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.