You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
