She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
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Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.