Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dating After Heartbreak
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.