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Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
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