So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
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This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
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I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.