Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Saskatchewan (306)

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate

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  (306): So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate http://tfl.nu/7nyf
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  Well... this vagina won't eat itself

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  I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina

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  (306): Well... this vagina won't eat itself (1-306): I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina http://tfl.nu/x3in
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  how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.

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  (306): how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was. http://tfl.nu/gxs4
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  funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you

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  (306): funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you http://tfl.nu/jsw9
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  and on the seventh day, God created megan fox

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  (306): and on the seventh day, God created megan fox http://tfl.nu/yceo
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  My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.

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  (306): My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday. http://tfl.nu/tgen
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  We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.

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  (306): We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love. http://tfl.nu/cwg6
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  When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.

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  (306): When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again. http://tfl.nu/vfit
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  Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night

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  (306): Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night http://tfl.nu/jc2t
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  Operation Purity has been aborted

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  (306): Operation Purity has been aborted http://tfl.nu/jf4h
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  I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.

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  (306): I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards. http://tfl.nu/0ymc
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  Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.

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  (306): Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire. http://tfl.nu/uvyh
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  Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!

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  I want to be you.

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  (541): Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!! (306): I want to be you. http://tfl.nu/x9vb
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  How was your 8:30 class today?

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  Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.

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  (306): How was your 8:30 class today? (1-306): Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus. http://tfl.nu/9y2t
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  No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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  (306): No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke. http://tfl.nu/zs7w
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