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So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
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