Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper