No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you