its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
