we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
what day is it and did you see me today?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day