Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
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My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick