So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Let's get the cat blown out
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.