I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date