I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok