saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.