Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober