A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
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Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.