I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
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A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
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Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.