jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.