I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
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I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?