On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.