I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated