The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I would fuck him just for his dog
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow