the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.