the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.