so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
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Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.