I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?