She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If you need anything just hit me up
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.