Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.