He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.