I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.