I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight