So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.