2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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