no, he came in my armpit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?