Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.