There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...