I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
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Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.