She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...