In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?