I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...