So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.