The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance