You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts