I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me