He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?