I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....