I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Holy sore nipples Batman
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering