I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
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I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?