Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.