Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.