your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again