I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.