Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.