I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.