Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Pennsylvania (570)

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  I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.

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  (570): I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies. http://tfl.nu/z52h
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  I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...

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  (570): I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing... http://tfl.nu/vi9c
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  A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.

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  (570): A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5. http://tfl.nu/uyai
  Replies (3) Good night (748) Bad night (190)
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  He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.

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  (570): He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point. http://tfl.nu/lnts
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  OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS

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  (570): OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS http://tfl.nu/smac
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  Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing

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  (570): Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing http://tfl.nu/4996
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  He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"

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  (570): He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one" http://tfl.nu/0onp
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  Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.

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  (570): Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it. http://tfl.nu/3oup
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  U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless

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  (570): U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless http://tfl.nu/wr07
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  Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.

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  (570): Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends. http://tfl.nu/utpt
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  You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.

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  (570): You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20. http://tfl.nu/twif
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  She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.

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  (570): She needs more friends. Or a second therapist. http://tfl.nu/00pk
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  I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him

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  (570): I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him http://tfl.nu/0mnm
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  You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?

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  (570): You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award? http://tfl.nu/wwxx
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  Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea

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  (570): Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea http://tfl.nu/3xzx
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