I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..