See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible