I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
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No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins