i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.